Thoughts from Wade:
First of all, let me begin by saying that I did not know what “The Lifestyle” was whenever I mentioned to Vanessa about going to Desire for the first time. I had never listened to one podcast, read one book or blog, or had done any research… All I knew was that the pictures and stories from Desire were more aligned with my fantasies than with reality but for the price of a trip to Mexico, we could experience something like that for ourselves and see if we were intrigued by it. I really didn’t know how we would feel, would we consider it a joke or be embarrassed by it or would we find it arousing and exciting or would it trigger feelings of jealousy and other negative emotions? Happy to say that even though there have been challenges along the way, nothing would have prepared me for how wonderful the outcomes have been through the relationships we’ve developed, the travel experiences that we’ve had, and the deep channels of communication that has opened between Vanessa and me. I would not trade any of it and I am so excited about the journey that we are on. There’s something different and there is a heightened sense of anticipation almost every day when you open yourself to the possibilities that “The Lifestyle” can bring. I have to say that Vanessa and I have gotten far more than we ever bargained for in our relationship through choosing to be open and through communicating with each other on a regular basis how that makes us feel and how excited and happy we are for each other to be on this joyful path together.
Thoughts from Vanessa:
So seriously? Why would I entertain the idea of non-monogamy? What’s in it for me? First, I think for many of us it is a foolish notion to think that one single human can provide everything we will ever need in romantic or sexual fulfillment. That is a lot of pressure to place on one person! Let’s address the notion of part of my sexuality being hidden for the majority of my adult life. I am a bisexual woman who has chosen a life that to the outside world looks like a traditional straight woman in a traditional marriage. The most outwardly controversial part of our lives to most people is that we chose to not have children. From a purely selfish place, opening up allowed me to explore my sapphic side. Wade is an amazing guy but he can’t fulfill my desire to be with women. So why not just be with women outside of my primary relationship? Why open up to men as well? Honestly, I really like being intimate with different people. When I was single in my twenties I loved kissing new people and the thrill of a new lover. When Wade and I committed to each other I knew he was my forever person but I must confess little pangs of sadness thinking that here was the last man I will ever kiss! I honestly didn’t really know ethical non-monogamy was a true thing. My notion of a swinger was a 70’s key party type thing. The only example of polyamory I had seen came in a religious cult context. Wade first brought up Desire for spicing up our already pretty darn good sex life. I would say I drove the train to the full on non-monogamy station! Currently, we are making wonderful new friends who we also get to have insanely sexy experiences. Each of these relationships look different based on the individuals involved. Swinger with a little bit of a poly streak? I believe strongly in the ethical of ethical non-monogamy but it’s a bit of a clinical mouth full! Not really sure where my label exists in this world, in this lifestyle. I am so happy to have the privilege of exploring with the collaboration and support of an amazing life partner. Our relationship has reached new heights of happiness and fulfillment in the last couple of years. This whole journey we have taken with humor, love, respect, and constant communication. We strive to let this process evolve organically and at a speed we both feel fully comfortable traveling. Stick with us as we share our story as it unfolds!